Our Little Angel

As many of you know this has been a tough summer for us. I can finally sit down and write about it. Writing this is like opening a wound and pouring a bit of salt in it. It stings. My heart aches. The tears are flowing. I struggled with even posting this but he is a part of our lives we will never forgot. I feel like I owe "him" a post on our blog. Especially since "he" is on my mind everyday.
We have learned so many lessons from this experience. I can honestly say that I am a stronger person because of it. My relationship with God has never been stronger. My relationship with Mike has never been stronger. And I have never felt closer to my friends and family. Prayers, flowers, phone calls and visits are what has gotten me through this. Thanks to everyone for your love and support. A person could not ask for a stronger support network.
This whole healing process has been a roller coaster. Sometimes I am up. Sometimes I am down. Sometimes it feels like a dream-a nightmare that never happened. Sometimes I feel guilt. Guilt wondering what I did. Guilt because I am not grieving more. Sometimes, I calculate exactly how far along I would be, how I would be feeling, would I be showing yet? It is so hard not to think of what could have been. Sometimes I just grab my two healthy beautiful girls and squeeze them. Sometimes, especially during my runs, I take the time notice all the little things-the trees, the green grass, the worms on the sidewalk and I think what a wonderful world we live in. I have to wonder if I would have taken the time before to take it all in. And sometimes, I wonder what could have been and why it is not.
We are healing. Healing more and more everyday. Thanks for listening. As hard and painful as this was, I needed to do it. I guess it's cheap therapy right? The picture below really helps me feel peace. Peace knowing that our baby is protected and cared for. So, please continue to keep us in your prayers. And know that you also have a little guardian angel up in heaven!